Baby Thoughts

Baby Thoughts

I feel like I’ve become a blogging slacker. As always, work and the life on the homefront has been keeping me busy, along with catching up with old friends now that I’ve finally had the time. Which brings me to the latest. I have four friends who are currently pregnant. Two are due in two weeks, including the fabulous Sasha, and two friends – both carrying multiples who are do in a few months. And I couldn’t be happier for all of them. I also must admit, I'm a tad bit jealous.

My friends from childhood all have families, but they started them long ago when I was in my early 20s. So it’s been a while since I’ve been surrounded by the excitement of those close to me preparing to have their first (and in some cases, second) child.

Two of my girlfriends are in my age group and I’m beyond excited for both of them. One is having her first in two weeks, the other fraternal twins in matter of a few short months. You might say I’m living vicariously through them since I still haven’t come to the point in my life where I’m a mother – but man I’m counting the days. I’m scooping up baby clothes at every store I come across, along with toys, blankets, you name it. My nephew is even benefiting from my obsessive (you all know I am right?) desire to outfit other’s children – he has a slew of new super cool stuff only a 2 year old would love waiting for him when I see him at my mom’s house this weekend. I can’t wait!

But it’s all a bit bittersweet for me right now. I really want a child. I always have. If you asked me 10 years ago about it I’d tell you that by my mid-30s I’d have at least two if not three. Yet here I am – two weeks from my late-30s birthday (gulp) and I’m still not at that point in my life. Yet. There is nothing I want more than to have a family with C. And while I used to hope for at minimum two children of my own, depending on how the universe favors this position for me, it may only be one child and I’ve finally come to accept that. Of course most of this is due to the age-limit I set myself a long time ago (the age at which I determined is too old for me personally to get pregnant).

In any case, my biological clock has been ticking for years now and I think that’s what’s been keeping me up at nights lately. And while on some level I always thought I’d be a mother by now, I know I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s with C I want to raise a family and he wasn’t on the radar until a few short years ago. We have the new house with a white picket fence (I know, cliché, but it came with the house) and in the next year or two I hope together we can fill it with a child of our own.

In the meantime I’ll continue to spoil my friends and their children and be grateful they have included me in the journey toward motherhood. I love you all!